A lesbian who prefers to play a dominant role in a sex encounter. A survey by queer magazine Autostraddle found that tops tend to prefer the “giving” end of seven different sex acts.
Also known as big dyke or dyke energy. Often a confident, visibly gay lesbian with masculine gender presentation.
Definition
The term lesbian top refers to a woman who prefers to be the penetrator in a sexual encounter. A lesbian top may also be more interested in giving oral sex than receiving it. This is a broad definition that can encompass many different relationships within the LGBTQ community. For example, it can include femme and butch people in a relationship, or masc and femme people in a polyamorous throuple.
In queer communities, the terms top and bottom are often used to describe sexual preferences or roles in relationships. For example, a femme person might be the top of a butch person. A femme person might also prefer to be the “switcher,” or someone who changes between being a top and a bottom during a single sexual experience.
The terms top and bottom are based on gender-based sexual culture. However, they can be confusing to non-lesbians. In addition, they can be used in ways that are harmful to the LGBTQIA+ community.
Dominance
Tops are the dominant partner in a sexual encounter. They usually penetrate the bottom, either orally or digitally. They also give oral sex and may use paddles or floggers for pleasure. While these roles are commonly associated with gay men, they can also be found among lesbians. A lesbian top can be a dom, a switch or both. A dom might prefer to exclusively “give” during sex, while a switch likes to change between giving and receiving during a single sexual encounter.
In our survey, many lesbians who identified as tops said they enjoyed power play consensually. This included stroking, kissing and touching the bottom. The top might also encourage a bottom to dangle her legs or arms off of the bed and engage in a variety of kinky acts. Other lesbians who consider themselves tops told us they enjoy teasing and oral sex, while one tomboy femme said she only likes to give during sex.
Submissiveness
The idea of dominance and submission is often associated with kink like sex play or masturbation. But these roles aren’t exclusive to those kinks or gender identities.
Many lesbians affirm various combinations of masculine and feminine sexual roles in their relationships. Some women identify as full tops, some as bottoms, and others as both. There are diesel dykes, hard bottoms, pillow princesses, and everything in between.
In a recent survey, lesbians reported that they often switch their role in sex to meet their partners’ desires. They also rated overall relationship satisfaction as one of their highest priorities.
Being a lesbian top can be very fulfilling, but it’s not for everyone. In fact, some women report being very uncomfortable with it. That’s why it’s important to know what to expect and how to get into the role with safety in mind. For example, if you’re not used to being in the dominant position, consider getting training from a sex coach.
Switching
Interestingly enough, most lesbians consider themselves to be switches (or vers, as it’s sometimes referred to). A switch is someone who enjoys both giving and receiving during sex. They may lean more towards one role than the other, but they get pleasure from both positions. Switches will probably get the most enjoyment from their sexual experiences with partners who are the same, or at least close to it.
Some sapphics with a lot of swagger and confidence might be described as having top energy, but it’s important to remember that everyone’s different and that top, bottom, and vers are just labels. They’re useful for talking about sex position preferences, but it’s not accurate to assume that a person will identify as one of them based on how they dress or what kink they do for fun. The bottom line is that there’s a world of possibilities out there for people to explore, and all are valid.